Where I've Been

Some people may be wondering where I’ve been, especially with the whole “safety in flux” thing I had in my Discord bio for a day.

Long story short: I’m trans, and my parents found out. They told me either to leave or be subject to them and their attempts to try and get me to, “stop being trans”. I chose to leave. My university¹ got involved to allow me to remain a student, while also being able to live independent of my parents.

As I write this, I’m currently in the process of getting permanent housing, as well as looking for a job. I do have a Ko-Fi if anyone is interested in donating (I would absolutely appreciate it), though thankfully my university is helping with making the transition as smooth as possible.

Really the entire last week has been a roller-coaster, but things are looking up. Anyhow, here’s the long story for anyone that wants to read (and a timeline near the bottom of the page that goes more in-depth about the specifics).

Long Story

Some broad context: in September 2025, shortly after I started my first semester in university, my egg cracked and I realized I was trans. Immediately, my fear was that my parents would find out, given they’ve often been heavily transphobic in the past. I found it hard to concentrate on my classes in the immediate term, and mentally draining to be at home with them. I did some experimentation in the (then) safety of my room, playing around with a skirt and nail polish (among other items), and while it did help confirm to me that I was in fact trans, I was even more concerned that my parents would find out. It didn’t help that, upon seeing remnants of dark blue nail polish on my nails, my parents reacted in a way that, to an outsider, it was as if a demon was found in their house. They only calmed down after I insisted that it was just dark blue pen ink. I think this quote from entry in my diary, dated November 15th, 2025, best captures my fear of being caught: “Every thought of dread came: being beaten, pulled out of school, send to a place to be ‘fixed’.”

I figured though that, at the very least, I would just have to hide it for a couple more years, as much as I hated doing so. Keep it mostly to the internet and my room, and in four years, I’d be fine, right? I mean part of me was hoping and praying that I could start earlier, but like, I could wait, right?

Right?

On February 3rd, 2026, my fear became reality. While I was out for classes, my mother went through my room and discovered, in a bag stashed under my desk, the stuff I used to experiment (to make this more ironic, this was two days after my therapy appointment, where a good chunk of it was me talking about the fears of being caught.). Later that evening, I was asked into my parents’ room, where they interrogated me about the stuff, and demanded to know why I even had the thought process in the first place. They were convinced that me couldn’t have come to that conclusion on my own, and instead had to be listening to some evil creature in the shadows. My parents started saying that the world was against them and God, and that me identifying as trans was equal to submitting to Satan, with my mother going in a whole conspiracy that I somehow was now irreligious² because of this and a random offhand comment I made when I was tired of my mom bringing up God in every single conversation³; they went on about how, if word got out at the mosque, I would be excommunicated⁴ and their reputation ruined. I was given two options: either stay and be subject to their attempts to, “correct,” me, or leave, and be cut off and disowned, treated as if I never existed in the first place. Should I stay, I would have to give up all of my passwords, and I would no longer be allowed to drive (instead needing to be picked-up and dropped-off to and from university), effectively cutting off my ability to live an actual life outside of university and home; under their terms, even having a class run late would be reason enough for them to suspect that I was doing something, “sinful”.

I tried to calm things down and request an grace period for me to plan, but then my mom, being the Pharisee she was in this situation, started claiming that my phone was suspect, and demanded to see it. I tried to avoid it, but they checked it nonetheless. When I say checked, I don’t mean just a simple, “check a couple of apps here and there,” I mean an in-depth check of every single app⁵, alongside call logs, emails, even the file system. They demanded to know if I was the person named Maryam on Discord, and went ballistic upon my confirmation. They also discovered my calls to Kind Clinic for information on informed consent HRT, as well as confirmation that I was on their wait-list, adding fuel to the fire.

I was unable to sleep that night, no matter how hard I tried, fearing what punishment they were planning. In the morning, before anyone was awake, I snuck to my computer desk and, upon finding my laptop untouched (a silver lining), I sent an email to my therapist explaining the situation, knowing that whatever my parents decided, I would have to leave home. I was called down an hour later, and given back my phone and car keys, and told that I would be given a, “grace,” period in quotes, during which they would, long story short, try to, “pray the trans away”⁶. I say, “grace,” in quotes, because they demanded I get my hair cut in the next few days, and that if I was caught expressing my identity in any fashion (even something as simple as a ribbon in my hair), I would have to leave, period. I also would have to meet with religious clerics at some point. Still, I was given my phone and car keys back, giving me some time to plan an escape. I went to campus and was able to begin the process of getting temporary housing.

Towards the evening, I got an email that I would be able to move in the next day, so I began packing. Of course, I wasn’t sure if my parents would allow me to leave now that they had granted a, “grace,” period, so I contacted a friend to pick me up tomorrow morning, so my parents couldn’t go after me for stealing their car. Then, in the middle of the night, I brought my bags outside to hide. On the morning of February 5th, I left the house as if I was going to go to campus, grabbed my bags, and went to the side where my parents wouldn’t be able to find me. My friend came shortly afterwards (though it felt like an eternity), and after helping me load the bags in her car, we went off to campus. My mother, noticing my car was still out front, connected the dots, and immediately began sending threats; my father started sending threats shortly afterwards. I just told them to read the letter I left under my desk, and ignored everything else. Only my brother later on would send a text wondering about my well-being, and (at least as of writing) didn’t send any threats, so I still have contact with him.

Over the next couple of days, I had to open a new bank account entirely under my control, and get my own phone plan. I also had to start writing the necessary documents needed to file for a Dependency Override, so that financial aid can help cover future semesters and housing. Now, I feel much, much freer, and while the stress of trying to find a permanent place to live and affording university is present, I would honestly take that over the stress of living with my transphobic parents. Honestly, when I think about the whole situation and my plan to escape, I think of the following section of the Quran:

They are certainly devising evil plans, but I too am planning, so bear with them. Let them be for a little while. (86:15-17)

And the following section from the New Testament:

Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world, for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:33-40)

I have to absolutely thank all of the people at my university, both staff and friends, for helping me with this whole situation, as sudden as it was. There’s still a lot of uncertainty (mainly with summer housing and finding a job), but I’m taking it one day at a time.

Timeline (Subject to Updates)

Below is a rough timeline of events (verbose, mainly to keep track of everything that has passed so far):

• Evening of February 3rd, 2026: Parents sit me down and lay down their rules. In addition, my phone is searched; emails, Discord messages, anything and everything was searched.
  • My parents consider being trans incompatible with Islamic law, as well as allowing a trans person to live under their roof (even if it’s their own child).
  • This also included cutting off any financial help from them. Spring 2026 was already paid in full, so there was a buffer of time from that.
• February 4th, 2026: In the morning, I send a short email to my university therapist of the situation. After confirming I would be able to come to campus in-person, I receive instructions to go to the university counseling center.
  • At this point, I hadn’t slept in 24 hours (even after a lot of trying), due to the anxiety of what was to come.
  • My phone is returned; due to the situation, I request mod privileges to be removed from my Discord account on the Erindale server.
  • Parents give an interim period (till the end of Spring 2026), where I retain most existing privileges, so long as I, “stop being trans”. This comes at the cost of my hair being cut short, and I would have to submit being interrogated by the religious authorities at my mosque. While those sound small, the mental stress of it all would have, in my opinion at least, caused significant harm.
  • I pack my backpack expecting to be able to find emergency housing the same-day (a bit unrealistic but who knows). The most valuable thing included were hard-drives containing file backups.
  • Bank account (parents have joint control) is emptied except for 50 USD (which is the minimum required for my bank). In cash, I only have 200 CAD from my grandmother (about ~146 USD on February 4th, 2026). In other assets, I had about 840 USD in stocks, though converting stocks to cash would be more involved process (not to mention would require opening an independent bank account to store safely).
  • University counseling is updated on the situation. Dean’s office begins to look for temporary and permanent housing, while both my university therapist and the counselor I meet starts writing the letters necessary for a Dependency Override⁷ for financial aid.
    • While the Dean’s office began searching for housing, I was told to prepare a bag of essentials (clothes, personal hygiene, etc) for when I would eventually be moved out. I was also advised to find someone who would be willing to help move when the day came, mainly due to the car I primarily used being in my parents’ name. Documents such as birth certificate and passport were advised to be secured and in my possession, though the primary concern was necessities.
  • Due to the current housing deadlines that existed, it was decided that for now, I should remain in my parents’ house (as long as it would be reasonably safe), while housing is sorted.
  • Minor, but I apply for UT Dallas’ DART pass, since I will need it once I move to on-campus housing.
  • Towards the end of the day, I get an email letting me know that the next day, I can start a 5 day lease in a temporary unit. I started packing a couple of bags, and asked a friend to pick my up so I can avoid having to use “my” car (which is under my parents’ name).
• February 5th, 2026: At midnight, I bring my bags outside and put them into my car trunk. In the bags was mostly toiletries, bedsheets and blankets, and clothes, but I also packed some extra stuff that I would need (like my NAS), as well as some stuff that, while not necessary I would still like to have in case I couldn’t return back home to properly move out (my copy of the Quran⁸, Bible⁹, as well as a few DVDs/Blu-rays with the disc drive).
  • In the morning, after a lot of mental preparation, I leave my parents’ house, take the bags out of the car, and move off to the side away from any windows. A couple of minutes later (though it felt like eternity), my friend comes with her car. We quickly load my bags and drive off to UT Dallas. My parents of course put two and two together, and start demanding to know where I was.
  • About 10-15 minutes later, I sign the lease for my temporary unit, and, with the help of my friend, move my bags into the unit. I sent my dad a message telling him I left a letter under my desk’s mat (I was supposed to put it on top before I left but I forgot in the heat of the moment), and that I was sorry this had to end this way, and left it at that. He continues on talking about how I will regret everything, that I (and this is his words), “let these satanic thoughts get a home,” in my mind, among other things. He ends by saying that I cannot come back unannounced (presumably in response to me stating in my letter that I plan to come back and grab my belongings).
  • I go to university counseling to schedule a walk-in appointment for later that day, mainly to discuss the stress of today as well as next steps, before heading to my first class. Afterwards, I go back to my unit, perform some nafl prayers in thanks to God¹⁰, and explore the unit a little bit. I then head out for my counseling appointment.
  • My counselor asked some specific questions related to what happened/would happen had I remained with my parents (mainly for the Dependency Override letter), and emailed the Dean’s office for them to allocate some food swipes for me while financial aid is being worked on.
  • After a day of classes, my brother texts (and later calls) me, but unlike my parents, he didn’t start threatening me, instead being concerned for my well being. He was pretty frustrated that I didn’t tell him beforehand (in my defense, I wasn’t sure if he would have told my parents before I left). This is also where I learned that my parents were now considering downsizing, and that the stuff I left was most likely going to be donated at some point. I was also told that my parents gave me back the money they took from me (which I confirmed), which meant I would be able to get breakfast tomorrow.
  • I get the first of the two supporting letters I need for Dependency Override, from the counselor who I met with earlier.
  • First night away from parents was honestly not bad, though I also hadn’t slept much in the days beforehand, so it might have been just a lack of sleep catching up to me.
• February 6th: Mostly chill day, though I was unable to open a new bank account until the next day.
  • The university has at this point given me access to the dining hall for a few weeks, so food wouldn’t be a concern.
  • I’ve also started emailing my professors about the situation, given that it would, in the short term, make doing some assignments significantly harder.
  • I get the second supporting letter for Dependency Override from my therapist, though some corrections were needed.
• February 7th: I open a new bank account and get a new phone plan¹¹, so that my parents don’t have as much control. It’s also around this day that I start writing my personal statement for the Dependency Override request.
  • One of my friends also brought me some necessities, like detergent, soap, towels, etc., which was extremely kind of her.
  • Also my parents called the cops claiming I was in harm¹². Campus police had a bit of a laugh when I answered the door and said that I was doing better than the last few days.
• February 8th: Mostly uneventful, except towards the end of the day when I got a voice note from a religious cleric, asking to talk. I just ignore it.
• February 9th: I see my therapist, where we discuss what happened in the last week or so, and moving forward. I also start wrapping up on my personal statement for the Dependency Override, and I get the corrected supporting letter from my therapist. I email the financial aid office asking for directions on where to start with requesting a Dependency Override.
  • My brother asks if he can visit university campus on the weekend, saying he just wanted to get lunch and talk. I tell him I’ll think about it.
• February 10th: I get my temporary lease extended, and I start the applications for permanent housing. I also submit the documents necessary for Dependency Override.